One of the reasons I find it so difficult to identify as pansexual because the definition is that you’re attracted to people of all genders. And while gender is not an issue for me in attraction the issue is people.
I’m not attracted to people in general. But I still want a relationship. I still want romance. And I’m still very interested in sex. So what do you call it when you’re interested in all of that but have a deep seated frustration for humanity that permeates everything? Where gender, genitalia, or any of the above don’t bar you from being attracted someone - but rather their insistence on being a human being and all the grossness that can entail create severe obstacles for you when it comes to wanting to fuck with anyone.
I’ve got it.
Nomosexual. That’s what I am. A nomosexual.
I tend to go with “pansexual misanthrope”
college is catered towards the able bodied and able minded. school applauds people who can stay up all night, skip meals, and work endlessly. that kind of extreme contribution is expected. why are disabled people being squeezed out of academic institutions? why should I feel inferior because of some arbitrary and ridiculous standard?
and it only gets worse the higher you try to climb the ivory tower. i’m sure some disciplines are better than others, but my experience with history so far is an impression that if you can’t do what’s expected, well, sorry, sucks to be you. it doesn’t matter if the particular style of writing or discourse is most easily understood by people who are white, upper-middle class, and neurotypical or allistic. if you can’t do it that particular way, there are plenty of other people competing for those spots and funding. and we all sit around wondering “gee i wonder why everyone around this table looks the same.”
i had this panic moment the other day when i realized, “if i went blind, my career would be over.” there are no resources. there are no accommodations. and that realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
Perfectly healthy people are expected to compromise their health in order to survive. (How fucking ironic is that?) Many of the people I know can’t get through the day without taking drugs (specifically, caffeine) - otherwise they can’t function. We all forego sleep, food, self care, etc. while accumulating debt and/or also having a job.
I was working at school, and a classmate said, “I’d die for some food and sleep right now.” Well, yeah, you would. Those are basic survival needs and fundamental human rights.
I get some accommodations, because a doctor can vouch that these expectations would literally kill me. “I will actually die” is considered valid, but only because I have a medical professional on my side. Otherwise, it wouldn’t matter how dead I’d be - what if I was just making it up because I’m lazy? (oh no how horrible)
I’m not discounting privilege, but this system doesn’t benefit anyone in it. Pretty much everyone is fucked. But the expectation that we continue to live and work in this state of fucked-ness creates an environment that is almost entirely inaccessible to those of us whose health is already compromised, or who for physical or mental reasons have less time or energy to spend on school. Disabled people are being squeezed out (were we ever really in?) because human value is based on production. When we aren’t able to meet that standard, we’re seen as less valuable - less human. As such, well people don’t even see us as capable of contribution, so why would it matter that we’re shut out from contributing?
Why aren’t people appalled that I feel like I’m not good enough because I can’t meet an inhumane ideal? Why has that ever been anyone’s goal? I’m devalued by myself and by others for failing to do something that no one should ever have to do anyway. By setting the bar at an inhuman level, and declaring it ‘normal,’ the disabled people who fall short will naturallybe seen as inhuman.
I know there are a bunch of posts about how to get gender neutral pronouns (they, their) on Facebook, but it always involves using developer tools which some people are not always comfortable with so I was thinking and did this thing real quick to turn it into 3 steps for convenience and the less tech savvy :)
1. Click and drag this link into your bookmarks bar. (You might need to delete the “denied:” part at the beginning of the URL (without quotes).
2. Click this link to go to the Facebook Mobile edit gender page.
3. Click the new link you just dragged into the bookmarks bar.
And you’re done.. Facebook will only ever refer to you by they/their now.
Thanks to whoever figured this trick out first the original way!
THIS ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKS I’M SO EXCITED
How can you tell if it worked?
Where can I find androgyny that isn’t so masculinized? It’s always AFAB people in menswear, and while that’s totally a thing I’m into, I want more than that. Ideally something that isn’t just “AFAB folks plus masculinity” and “AMAB folks plus femininity,”…
Lmao sorry I thought I was being careful about autocorrect. I meant dmabs.
Haha, sometimes I wonder why autocorrect is still a thing. It doesn’t seem to be very good…
Most people have heard of purity balls — formal events where young women pledge their abstinence to their fathers until they marry — but we had no idea that the tradition had an equivalent for young men. The difference is that Integrity balls do not involve a young boy pledging his virginity to his mother because he wants to stay virtuous. As Jessica Valenti explains to Shecter:
[Integrity balls are] not about ownership or I’m pledging my virginity to my mother or it’s important for me to wait because that makes me a virtuous man. The language was: ‘I shouldn’t have sex because that’s someone’s future wife or that’s someone’s daughter.’ So you don’t want to do damage to someone else’s property.
Where can I find androgyny that isn’t so masculinized? It’s always AFAB people in menswear, and while that’s totally a thing I’m into, I want more than that. Ideally something that isn’t just “AFAB folks plus masculinity” and “AMAB folks plus femininity,” because that’s not what androgyny means, but anything that focuses on androgynous AMAB people would be refreshing.
Does anyone know where this sort of discussion/community/image gallery is?
I’ve got a blog that aims at this (gyne-andro.tumblr.com) but it’s hard to find stuff. And someone else also recommended slabs.
Oh, great blog! What’s this slabs thing?